Almost in love...

I shouldn't been writing this today because i have a lot of things to do... yet... anyway....

I had a crush on a girl back then but i was only a crush... But this is me and the first girl that I've loved truly.....


"Hoho ni fure sou na mune no takanari
Mitsumeru tabi ni koi ga chikaduku
Yuki ga mai sou na sora no shita
Deaeta no wa itazura ja naku
I'm just being in love hajimari sou sa
just in love? Sukoshizutsu... sukoshizutsu..."


It was late December 2006 when i joined otakuzine forums... It was then i met her online she was one of the moderators of the forum... at first i thought she was strict because she's a moderator yet i find her as a kind person... then came Ozine fest 2008 an anime convention held at SM Megamall, that was my first time to meet her personally...

As an otaku I've always loved to go in those kind of events...

As being a moderator of ozine forums she was assigned to the ozine forumer's booth as i approached the booth i was immediately greeted by her and i still remember clearly what she first said to me...

"Raiza!" *handshake*

Me:...... *handshake*

I was talking to my self back then saying "......" i don't know but... it's like an instant crush on her hahaha!

Some forumers back then was already joking and calling her "Dyosa"

As the Ozine fest 2008 goes on I've also met some other forumers.

"Tokimeki wa kimi no tonari de
Kurikaeshi afurete yuku
Ai no yokan ni tsutsumarete
Arigachi na hitokoto sae mo
Hi wo tomosu yo
maybe in love with you"

At Mangaholix 2008 I've had a chance to see her again yet I'm not that close to her that's why we only exchange some few words

Months passed after those events the usual talk at the forums with her became "Kulitan" she even gave her ozine account to me to moderate the forums while she's gone because i was always online back then

If i remembered it correctly it was late June 2008 when the dorm system at ozine forums was implemented, I became the Dorm 1 moderator thanks to her(because she was the little baby girl of the ozine team) i still remember when we are chatting at YM how i became a moderator she said "sabi ko kay kuya DJ gawin kang Mod kasi masipag ka naman :)) "

At dorm 1 we also became dorm mates and became a bit more closer to each other...


Anicon 2008 again i was able to see her and i was a bit more comfortable talking with her "personally" this is also the time i got used calling her "Dyosa" hehehe...

It was December when we really got close.....

Ozine forumers Christmas gathering at Mega Mall December 27 of course she came... all of us had a good time back then.

"Wazato ijiwaru wo shite mita keredo
Donna serifu mo
amaku tokeru yo
kiss ni ato dore kurai darou?
Konya kimi wo kaeshi taku wa nai
I'm just being in love dakishimetakute
just in love
Itsumademo...itsumademo..."

Then after the Christmas gathering i didn't knew we were texting the whole week... she was telling that her crush at ozine had already a girlfriend i was comforting her back then. then i just suddenly joked her and texted "ako na lang mag aaply sa puso mo XD" then she replied "hahaha! mag aaply ka? XD" i don't know why but there's a little happiness in my heart when she replied...

We were just joking the whole night about that like "weh? mas mahal ako ni dyosa" then she will reply "asaaaaa mas mahal ako ni mortal XD" (she called me "Mortal" because everyone called her Dyosa)

It was new years day when i asked her to go out together... January 3, 2009 we met at Mall of Asia i don't know if i could really call it our date because were not really in a relationship.... as our so called "Date" goes on we did go to Powerstation and played a few arcade together after that i treated her on a Ice cream... while eating the ice cream she was telling about her first date... we were about to watch a movie yet our time is not enough because she need to go home early, so i decided to accompany her going home....

While at MRT there were moments that her hair flowed through my face i was joking her "Miss Pantene?" she just laughed.

When we reach Trinoma she said it's for me ok to leave... I said i'll wait until you get in a cab, then the cab arrived as she ride i whispered on his ears "I love you" she immediately reply "I love you too" and smiled.. I don't know what really happen back then as if I'm just dreaming.... but at that point I've really fallen in love with her...

The next day she text me that she was going home at Baguio her home province....

After a week she wasn't texting me anymore yet i continue to greet her at text every morning with "Morning dyosa labs you"

Then suddenly I've received a text from her.... The text message contains this exact words "Suma kedo anata atashi wa daisuki nai" it means "I'm sorry but I don't love you...."

Infatuation?...........

"Nanimo iwazu ni hiki yosete
Hibiki au mune no kodou
Toki no ne ga kikoeru hodo ni
Tameratte furueru nante
Rashiku mo nai
almost in love"

It was almost two weeks when i finally talked to her again like there's nothing happened between us...

Ozine Fest 2009 i got a chance to see her again she was a bit awkward towards me yet still gave my little gift to her...

After the event some ozine forumers decided to join us to play Ragnarok then she did also join us at Valhalla server...

I was a bit happy that she's playing RO and able to spend time with her virtually...

Then it was our guild's hot seat session where we ask questions to the member and he/she must answer it honestly at first she was the hot seat, then the questions immediately got hot because my guild members already knew what are my feelings for her... then it was my time to ask her... suddenly i just asked her "Papayag ka ba na ligawan kita ulit?" she replied briefly "wag muna ngayon" i remembered it was chaud saying "Si GM Dex tunay na lalaki!" hahahaha!

After her hot seat moment i became the next hot seat, of course a lot of intriguing questions was thrown on me but the last question by honou was the question almost everyone reacted "dex fill in the blanks "_____ Raiza kasi______" i answered "Mahal ko si raiza kasi dyosa yan" everyone reacted saying "Whooooooooo!"

RB's guild outing at Bosay resort this is the last time... yeah the last time....

Our guild outing was a night swimming everyone enjoyed specially the turtle pool where we rotate the pool like a snake hahahaha! it was fun! then there was this moment when nix said me and raiza will buy some beer! i just nodded and it was a bit funny that she just tag along with me to buy the beers, as we bought the beers and while walking to go back to our cottage it was just pure silence... i was a bit nervous to start a topic... we've reach our cottage without as exchange of words...

"Kono kagayaki wa ima kimi ga kureta kiseki
Futari no sekai ga ugoki dasu
Te no hira no sasayaki
Tsutaeteru binetsu wa
Tomerare nai koko kara saki
Kitto only you"

Our guild outing ended good and fun but for me there goes my chance....

I was playing Ragnarok when me,honou and neil are chatting, they were asking me what happened at our outing.... I can't really answer them... It's just I'm afraid to be rejected again by her....

Weeks passed school is back again she was already in collage, then again we got awkward to each other....

Month passed i got detached to her because i became busy trying my best to become a better guild master for our guild and also we are far from each other...

Another month passed, early morning I've opened my multiply account and saw their pictures... her picture and a guy making a heart sign with both their hands, it was then i think and said to my self "Tapos na....."

I waited for her to online at YM... as i saw her online i immediately pm her... first i joked her "rai nanjan pa ung RO load mo?" she replied "wala na eh tado kasi ung magnanakaw na wala ung wallet ko :(( " then i said "waaaaaaa! ibig sabihin na wala na din ung card sa powerstation?" "Uu :( " she said.....

I didn't notice tears were flowing... the card from the powerstation arcade was our only remembrance from our "date" yet it was gone....

It's like a sign that i should really stop...

As our conversation at YM continue i didn't asked if she already had a boyfriend i just suddenly said "Rai ung BF mo daw kamuka nung BF ni idol =))" she said "XD"

One of my final words while talking to him at YM that I really can't forget is "Pero buti naman ung taong minahal mo ngayon ay mahal ka din ^^"

That night i didn't cry....

The next day i suddenly remembered that i haven't colored her chibi version of her Ragnarok wizard that was drawn by erin as i rushed coloring it my tears suddenly fell.....

Here's the colored chibi of her wizard.

Here's what I've written at my comment on that art...

"Maybe this is the last time i'll be doing something art related with my purest feelings for the owner of the chibi wizard...

Because next time... I'll just do it as a normal art request"

That night i cry until i fell asleep...

As i woke up the next day i said to myself "wala na"

"Tokimeki wa kimi no tonari de
Kurikaeshi afureru kara
Kono mama tada soba ni ite
Ichibyou mo hanashitaku wa nai aishite iru
I'm in love with you"