There it is...

Yesterday was the championship for valhalla server...

Our guild was participating, our first match would be up against New Directions guild...

We are all hopeful that we could win it.. But it didn't turn that way... I messed up in the first round of our match against New Directions guild... We were already leading at that round, our team where already shouting "ayan na bagsak na ung champion nila" but there goes me... A messed up game....

Round two... I could say it was a hard fought match... But New Directions still prevailed...

After the match our team goes to their own houses... but for me I stayed at SM southmall, I couldn't contain my emotions... I rush to the bathroom staying there for forty minutes... crying...

I know we should be proud what we have achieved this RPC season, but I'm still bitter at my performance yesterday... I just thought that after six years it's about time that Revamped guild would be crowned as champion...

Oh well.... I have to wait another year *Sigh*

Road to skydome...

It's just five days before my very first big fight in my whole Ragnarok online career.... It takes six years before I reached this level.... Road to skydome huh?...

I want to reach it...

Kaeru basho de aru you ni

I just felt writing in the air today...


I am frustrated in what is happening in my life...


Up until now, my sensei still mad at me since I've chosen that path... when will be the time he'll forgive me...


Frustrated that my family is arguing about my grandmother's money... They should be worrying about her health for god's sake... what a disgrace...


Frustrated how I'm easily get distracted...


Frustrated that what ever I do, I won't be that old me two years ago... the leader... the sub guild master... I pity myself... I was a better leader back then.... It's so frustrating...


Frustrated about myself.... Why can't I live up to their expectations...


Frustrated that sometimes I just want to lock myself in this room where I am right now... away from all these noise...


Frustrated that.... I still love her.... I know that she won't ever forgive me.... Suppressing this feeling... It sucks....


It's so frustrating how my life turned like this....


"kaeru basho de aru you ni"

Simula na....

June na at simula na nang matinding pag iipon... hehe....

Confused...

I don't know why... but I'm deeply confused about myself... I wonder how I'm going to celebrate my upcoming birthday this June...

And the mere fact that I'm singing again "Almost in love" by Chemistry makes me more confused... Why?... Who's the girl I'm singing it for?....

Tears in the middle of war

Here I am facing the giants of pRO agit lords tournament....


I've already prepared myself from the pain that this war might bring.... yet sometimes we really don't know what will came upon us...


Last Monday I've received a call from my mother, she was crying... then she told me that our grandmother fell from that stairs of their house...


I didn't knew what to do.... I was torn to make a decision to leave the guild before the woe start or to be at the side of my grandmother...


Though I am the guild master, I think I also have the responsibility to be a grandchild for my grandmother...


It's hard to make a decision like that specially at the time of agit lords....


I have decided to be a grandchild for that day...


As I came at the house of my grandmother, I didn't knew what will I saw...


I greeted my grandmother and said "lola nandito na ako... ok lang kayo?" my grandmother replied...

"Mmm..."

"......"

Then my uncle suddenly talk.... "Hindi na makakilala.."

I was not emotionally prepared when I saw my grandmother in her condition... she suddenly became bedridden... the grandmother I known since childhood was a strong one...

I didn't knew It but I was already crying... I told myself "punyeta ano nangyari kay lola..."


I immediately called Christopher one of our nurse in the guild and told him what happen... he told me that my grandmother must be bought to the hospital ASAP.

I told my aunt that we must bring our grandmother to the hospital but it seems that they don't care that much...

My grandmother told them not to bring her to the hospital...

My aunt said "baka may kung ano pa mangyari sa lola niyo sa hospital"

I told myself "putang ina! mas walang mangyayari kay lola pag hindi dinala sa hospital.."

Then my uncle said "bukas dadalhin natin lola niyo sa hospital"

That night... All I did was crying...

I was mad at myself.. I can't do anything..

Tuesday came... I wake up early morning to return at my work place, I told my uncle that my mom will come here and they'll bring grandma to the hospital...

I've left without saying goodbye to my grandmother...

As the night came... I was worried that my mother haven't messaged me that they've already bring grandma to the hospital...

As Wednesday morning came my mother messaged me that they're bringing grandma to the hospital...

I was a bit disappointed... why did it take so long to bring grandma at the hospital...

12pm my mother messaged me that our grandmother is now at the hospital.

".........."

2pm my mother messaged me again, she told me that our grandma is fine and going home that day she just need to take her daily med, though her bones at the hips have cracked the doctor said it will heal trough time.

I was relieved...

4pm a friend of mine was online at yahoo messenger.

I instant message him and asked him how is he in the past few days...

he replied "wala malapit nako ma operahan kaya hinay hinay lang sa pag computer"

I was shocked...

"meh varicocele ako, ipapatanggal ko yung varicocele ko"

"hindi naman siya life threatening pero dapat lang tlga siya gawin"

He told me not to tell his condition at our other friends... I know it's not that life threatening. but I'm still worried...


Later that night

I was looking at my plurk timeline when "she" posted "after two years may crush na ulit ako"


I told myself "buti ka pa nakapag move on na... ako kelan kaya...." a tear fell from my eyes...

Because I'm still mad at myself for hurting her...

I shouldn't be thinking of these at this time of agit lords.... but I can't control my emotions....

Deep breath

Kagabi ang unang siege namin para sa Agit Lord may mga bagay na hindi ako inaasahan na nang yari... unang-una dalawang guild laban sa tatlong guilds... pangalawa kaya pala namin sila sa clash kahit lamang sila sa dami...


Na tapos ang siege at naka isang agit lang kami, ang lalim nang hinga ko... hindi ko makontrol... hindi nga agad pumasok sa isip ko ung mga nangyari matapos ung siege.


Kahit hindi nakuha ng Finest guild ang honor agit at na deny ung main agit na kinuha namin may mga magandang resulta parin para sa akin.


Pero naramdaman ko nanaman ulit ung dati kong nararamdaman nuon tuwing Agit Lord season... Ung excitement...