Till next time!

You know who you are...

Well... Sorry! for what I've done to you and it turn out that I'm not really the person you called "Master dex" sorry... I'm not the perfect guy who can save you always...

I just want to say this before I leave in your sight because I won't be bothering you for the next few months or maybe years I guess? XD I just need time... A time to let this feeling for you... fade...

Well thats it, bidding a goodbye... Till next time friend. ^^

First Love

First love... I can't remember when I first learn the meaning of those words but what is really its meaning? The first girl whom you loved or the things that we really loved to do?

Manga art is my real first love but it seem fate don't want me to be with my first love...

When was the last time I've grabbed a pencil and drew?

Here I am working under my uncle's business... Alone foolishly trying to become an adult... Working to help my family financially...

It's so hard not able to do the things you really love... It's like the feeling of being choked... Dying silently...

There are a lot of things I want to end but I can't... Because they need me... It's always me...

Why I am thinking about this again?... Sometimes I want to become selfish... but I guess I've already done that... Leaving our guild at Valhalla for a while... I know I shouldn't have done that because I'm the guild master but I'm also a human.. Getting burned out... I have the right to file a leave...

Just like kuya marvin said to me "we just have to be responsible" yeah... But how about for ourselves? when we'll be responsible for ourselves?

Sometimes there are days I want to blame my parents why my life turned out like this...

I've been always fighting against jealousy from my friends since I've stopped studying... Seeing them reaching where they want to go, living the "normal life" of a student.

I'm tired of hearing "you're still young, you can still do a lot of things" I'm already 21yrs old Dammit! when will I have a time for my personal goals? when I'am at 30yrs old? goodness!

It's been two months since me and my sensei argued about my decision for not going to japan... choosing my other responsibility...

Sensei... where are you?...

I just wan't to draw again...

Please...

私はまだあなたを愛して

Yeah... You the one and only girl I called "Fiancé"

I still love you...

After our misunderstanding, the past months we both become strangers to one another...

But after what happen to the guild and myself at the world of Valhalla, I felt it's about time to face this... no... you...

I won't return to the past because the old me is stupid to hurt you.

Just thinking about calling you "Fiancé" it makes me miss you more...

Seeing you almost everyday online... always double clicking your yahoo messenger I.D. but afraid to start typing...

But you know... I'm glad we're starting to talk again a bit at Plurk...

Well... what can I do?

I still love you Fiancé ^^

There it is...

Yesterday was the championship for valhalla server...

Our guild was participating, our first match would be up against New Directions guild...

We are all hopeful that we could win it.. But it didn't turn that way... I messed up in the first round of our match against New Directions guild... We were already leading at that round, our team where already shouting "ayan na bagsak na ung champion nila" but there goes me... A messed up game....

Round two... I could say it was a hard fought match... But New Directions still prevailed...

After the match our team goes to their own houses... but for me I stayed at SM southmall, I couldn't contain my emotions... I rush to the bathroom staying there for forty minutes... crying...

I know we should be proud what we have achieved this RPC season, but I'm still bitter at my performance yesterday... I just thought that after six years it's about time that Revamped guild would be crowned as champion...

Oh well.... I have to wait another year *Sigh*

Road to skydome...

It's just five days before my very first big fight in my whole Ragnarok online career.... It takes six years before I reached this level.... Road to skydome huh?...

I want to reach it...

Kaeru basho de aru you ni

I just felt writing in the air today...


I am frustrated in what is happening in my life...


Up until now, my sensei still mad at me since I've chosen that path... when will be the time he'll forgive me...


Frustrated that my family is arguing about my grandmother's money... They should be worrying about her health for god's sake... what a disgrace...


Frustrated how I'm easily get distracted...


Frustrated that what ever I do, I won't be that old me two years ago... the leader... the sub guild master... I pity myself... I was a better leader back then.... It's so frustrating...


Frustrated about myself.... Why can't I live up to their expectations...


Frustrated that sometimes I just want to lock myself in this room where I am right now... away from all these noise...


Frustrated that.... I still love her.... I know that she won't ever forgive me.... Suppressing this feeling... It sucks....


It's so frustrating how my life turned like this....


"kaeru basho de aru you ni"

Simula na....

June na at simula na nang matinding pag iipon... hehe....