Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Confused...

I don't know why... but I'm deeply confused about myself... I wonder how I'm going to celebrate my upcoming birthday this June...

And the mere fact that I'm singing again "Almost in love" by Chemistry makes me more confused... Why?... Who's the girl I'm singing it for?....

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Tears in the middle of war

Here I am facing the giants of pRO agit lords tournament....


I've already prepared myself from the pain that this war might bring.... yet sometimes we really don't know what will came upon us...


Last Monday I've received a call from my mother, she was crying... then she told me that our grandmother fell from that stairs of their house...


I didn't knew what to do.... I was torn to make a decision to leave the guild before the woe start or to be at the side of my grandmother...


Though I am the guild master, I think I also have the responsibility to be a grandchild for my grandmother...


It's hard to make a decision like that specially at the time of agit lords....


I have decided to be a grandchild for that day...


As I came at the house of my grandmother, I didn't knew what will I saw...


I greeted my grandmother and said "lola nandito na ako... ok lang kayo?" my grandmother replied...

"Mmm..."

"......"

Then my uncle suddenly talk.... "Hindi na makakilala.."

I was not emotionally prepared when I saw my grandmother in her condition... she suddenly became bedridden... the grandmother I known since childhood was a strong one...

I didn't knew It but I was already crying... I told myself "punyeta ano nangyari kay lola..."


I immediately called Christopher one of our nurse in the guild and told him what happen... he told me that my grandmother must be bought to the hospital ASAP.

I told my aunt that we must bring our grandmother to the hospital but it seems that they don't care that much...

My grandmother told them not to bring her to the hospital...

My aunt said "baka may kung ano pa mangyari sa lola niyo sa hospital"

I told myself "putang ina! mas walang mangyayari kay lola pag hindi dinala sa hospital.."

Then my uncle said "bukas dadalhin natin lola niyo sa hospital"

That night... All I did was crying...

I was mad at myself.. I can't do anything..

Tuesday came... I wake up early morning to return at my work place, I told my uncle that my mom will come here and they'll bring grandma to the hospital...

I've left without saying goodbye to my grandmother...

As the night came... I was worried that my mother haven't messaged me that they've already bring grandma to the hospital...

As Wednesday morning came my mother messaged me that they're bringing grandma to the hospital...

I was a bit disappointed... why did it take so long to bring grandma at the hospital...

12pm my mother messaged me that our grandmother is now at the hospital.

".........."

2pm my mother messaged me again, she told me that our grandma is fine and going home that day she just need to take her daily med, though her bones at the hips have cracked the doctor said it will heal trough time.

I was relieved...

4pm a friend of mine was online at yahoo messenger.

I instant message him and asked him how is he in the past few days...

he replied "wala malapit nako ma operahan kaya hinay hinay lang sa pag computer"

I was shocked...

"meh varicocele ako, ipapatanggal ko yung varicocele ko"

"hindi naman siya life threatening pero dapat lang tlga siya gawin"

He told me not to tell his condition at our other friends... I know it's not that life threatening. but I'm still worried...


Later that night

I was looking at my plurk timeline when "she" posted "after two years may crush na ulit ako"


I told myself "buti ka pa nakapag move on na... ako kelan kaya...." a tear fell from my eyes...

Because I'm still mad at myself for hurting her...

I shouldn't be thinking of these at this time of agit lords.... but I can't control my emotions....